Why Are American Men So Fat?

             I was recently pondering the reasons that the United States has such a problem with obesity. I cannot accept that it is as simple as an entire country slipping into bad habits and sedentary lifestyles. True, American food is usually consumed on the run with little consideration for its nutritional content or even its flavor.  And it is also true that Americans do not lead very active lifestyles anymore. Gone are the days of the brawny farmer who maintains his shape through old age by working hard and eating fresh foods. But the shift from home cooked meals and sitting back in easy chairs cannot be the only answer.

             So I present to you my theory of why American men have become fat. (Ladies, you have your own reasons and problems which I do not understand at all.) I believe that the majority of men become obese because they are profoundly unhappy.

             Take a look at how the male in American society is treated. He is either blamed for everything or portrayed as a Neanderthal with no use except for a target for ridicule by women. (I call this the “Everybody Loves Raymond” effect.) If he is not sensitive enough he is labeled as a brute, too sensitive and he is not “man” enough. Men are now the only politically correct target of ridicule. Listen to any radio station and within minutes you will hear a commercial where a man is portrayed as little more than a bacon chewing, beer swilling, caveman.

              Men are strong and thoughtful and in the past they had redoubts (man talk for a safe place or fort) that they would fall back to in times of crisis. Hobbies and sports and working on cars, all manly activities that were misunderstood but accepted by women. Women could watch the kids for a few hours while the man cut the grass or fixed his carburetor. Men did not do these things because they wanted to escape their families, they did them to take a second to catch their breath and focus on one thing until the rest of the world didn’t seem so bad.

              Now don’t take this as an indictment of women. It isn’t. Women can’t watch the kids for an hour or two anymore because they are at work busting their asses the same way that men are in order to feed their families. I just don’t know enough (or anything) about women to say whether they would want to go work on a carburetor or not.

             Home life and lack of free time is not the only problem. The economy, unemployment, rampant idiocy, and a thousand other things conspire to make American men miserable. So where does a man turn to get an instant feeling of good will? With some addictive personalities excepted, most men will eventually find food. Food makes you feel good. Food tastes great and can be enjoyed any time of the day. And men can eat whatever they want because they are just one step removed from flint knapping or throwing rocks at an obsidian obelisk.

And what kinds of food are we expected to eat? Smart men will often become “foodies” which is an idiotic way to say that they know how to cook and take the same diligent approach to cooking that they used to take building a fence or hand crafting a duck decoy. These men aren’t killing themselves any slower; they are just doing it fancier.

            Some men will take the easy way out and dine on fast or processed foods and then wonder why they aren’t at their high school weight anymore and be unhappy… and then guess what they do?

The food isn’t the problem and women aren’t the problem and society isn’t the problem. Men themselves are the problem. We have forgotten what it is that makes us men. Not the beer swilling apes that ad campaign would mold us into but the kind of man that your grandfather and if you are lucky, your father is. The kind of man that would do something right, not because it benefits him the most, but because it’s just how things should be done. This is what we should go back to. Being strong, mentally, spiritually and yes physically is part of what it is to be a man.

            Because men are strong, they sometimes feel that it is necessary to bear the weight of everything that is wrong without complaint. This internalizing of suffering is a big factor in being miserable and fat. If no one understands why you are so unhappy, then the only thing for you to do, perhaps, is sit at home and eat.

           So what is the solution? First, talk to people about why you are unhappy. You got married for a reason. Your wife or girlfriend or boyfriend if you go that way, would rather have you be happy and whole then mopey and fat. If not then, run like hell away from that person. Do you think your significant other would rather be around and unhappy fat slob or a healthier man with a “can do” attitude and fire in his belly. (not from spicy chicken nuggets)

          Also, it is essential to do the things that make you feel like a man, whatever they are. Fix something. Break something. Shoot something. Hit a golf ball or a jump shot. Whatever it is that makes you feel connected to the universe and closer to the Creator if only for a brief moment.

Lastly, realize that as a man you must be strong and sometimes other people will need your strength. Let them use it. Help your fellow man, whether he is your neighbor or some stranger you don’t know. These people might actually see you as a strong man and follow your example and before you know it the world might suck a little less and you might not need to supersize your fries.

          Lastly, If you have a significant other that is willing to help you recapture your lost happiness, you need to realize that she might need you to be strong for her or to do something so that she can do the things that make her feel more like a woman. (Whatever women do instead of fixing carbs) Just knowingly nod to her and don’t judge what she is doing. Just remember that some of the stuff you think is captivating, she sees as baffling.