In an effort to get any billing at all despite winning yet another Republican straw poll; Ron Paul fatally stabbed Vice-President Joe Biden in the neck with an uncooked lasagna noodle that had been sharpened, according to anonymous sources. Paul, who is consistently listed as an "also ran" by the media despite winning nearly every straw poll was apparently in a rage over the attention being received by Herman Cain.
"I just don't understand," Paul was quoted as saying. "something might have happened 20 friggin' years ago and this becomes an issue. I thought we still had high unemployment. I mean, What the hell?"
Paul was detained by capital police for most of an afternoon before being released on his own recognizance, since members of congress are incapable of wrongdoing. He was referring, of course to the flap over allegations of sexual harassment dating to when Cain was in charge of the National Association of People who Spit in Food. In a news story broken by politico, it was disclosed that perhaps there was something that happened resulting in a settlement, which included a gag order. One alleged victim, apparently completely ignorant of what a gag order entails, said she will come forward with her story anyway.
This just in, apparently, not to be outdone, Rick Perry has challenged Mitt Romney to settle the Primary election "Texas Style." Apparently this entails the two contenders taking turns kicking each other between the legs until one gives up. Mr. Romney the current leader in every way except those involving numbers or math, could not be reached for comment. Michele Bachmann, ever the voice of reason, stated "I don't believe that's how it works, but I guarantee a Bachmann victory if that is how it has to be." She further stated that she looks forward to running against Mrs. Clinton in November.
If you need me to tell you this was satire you are a sad, sad individual.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Keep it clean and well thought out.